Guilt Part 2

I've been sick for a week with a nasty chest infection that stole my voice a week ago and has yet to return it. I've finished the first round of antibiotics but I'm still nowhere near 100%. Last week, I went to bed Friday night and I got up on Tuesday when my husband went back to work. I missed choir practice, I missed singing at 3 funerals and I generally still feel crappy. I had to do interviews with a Kermit the Frog voice or by email.  The Kid thinks it's hilarious. Me, not so much.

It's March Break (spring break) this week, so the Kid has been home. She's pretty good at keeping herself busy, but is still feeling a bit neglected because I've also had lots of deadlines.

The big problem, and therefore source of the most guilt, was the inability to go see my mom every day. I was there last Friday, and then I didn't go again until Tuesday. My husband and daughter did a Dairy Queen drive-by to mom on Saturday, but no one but home care went on Sunday and no one at all went on Monday because home care didn't show up.

• I know I needed to get better, and the only way to do that is to give up and be sick first.I haven't been this ill in years.
• I knew that this illness was the last thing my mom needed to deal with right now. she has chronic asthma and this thing goes straight for the bronchial tubes.
• I found out on Tuesday that mom forgot to take her pills on Monday because home care didn't come and hand them to her. I forgot to remind her to take her pills because I'm used to home care making sure she took them. Still beating myself up over THAT one.
• Mom didn't eat properly all weekend. She kept saying she was having beef and corn, which I know for a fact had been in her fridge since the prior week. It was also still there on Tuesday morning, so I'm not sure other than Ensure what she consumed all weekend.

 I'm struggling. My mom is still a mom, and she was worried about me because  did I mention I havent;'t been this sick in years? She kept telling me to stay home and she was fine. I talked to her multiple times a day and she seemed to be managing fine.

Now I know how she spiralled so far so fast. She seemed to be managing fine the last time too. The difference is this time, I know what to look for. I had to go out last night, so my husband and daughter dropped over because her housekeeper is coming today and I forgot to leave the cheque when I was there on Wednesday. My husband checked when he got there, and mom hadn't remembered to eat yet, so he got her dinner. It takes a family to support an elderly parent and my husband has really stepped up this week when I fell to illness.

I know that I needed to stay home if I had any hope of getting better. I'm still beating myself up because I couldn't take care of mom and make sure she ate, was taking her pills etc. I haven't gotten there every day this week either because it's March Break and I have deadlines and a kid home from school.

I'm feeling really squeezed today. Time to step away from the keyboard and spend time with my kid...after we go check on my mom.