It's 8:20 am. My daughter and I are scurrying around, trying to make it out the door to school. She's in the hall getting her boots and coat on while I brush my teeth. It's Valentine's Day, and she wants to get there early. Valentine's Day is bigger than Christmas when you're in Grade 1.
And then the phone rings. Since all of my friends and family know my kid starts school at 8:30am it can only be bad news or something to do with my mom. Sure enough, it's the physiotherapist wanting to re-commence her physio sessions. He also wants to know what the hospital determined with my mother, because he saw her before and after what I still suspect was the second mini-stroke. I explain that I'm rushing out to school, but he has appointments he has to make, so we agree on a time for Friday morning.
I sprint downstairs because now it's 8:29 am and the bell will ring any second. My daughter is fuming in the front hall because she wanted to be early. We hurry to the car, which my husband has thoughtfully cleared of snow for me, head to school and pull into the drive-through. The school yard is empty. Parenting fail.
I drove to Walmart after choir last night, and joined a bunch of other last-minute shoppers pawing through Valentine presents. While I had remembered the card for my husband, mom and daughter, I forgot that for my daughter, the present had to be there before school. 2330 hrs is not the time to be indecisive, so I headed for the Barbie aisle and came home with another Barbie and some clothes. My daughter was thrilled this morning, but it was thanks to my husband that I made the trip after he asked if I had anything for our daughter for Valentines Day as I was heading out the door last night. I always take care of that kind of thing.
And therein lies the problem. I always take care of things. I take care of the schedules, the cards, the birthday presents, the dinners, and now, my mother, her appointments, her meds, her hygiene. I always take care of things...
How am I going to do this every day?
Women do seem to take on the responsibilities for cooking, schedules, gifts, appointments, etc. Glad to see your husband's onside, perhaps you can shuffle some of these duties to your husband, at least until things settle down with your mom.
ReplyDeleteAnd there will be times we drop the ball because we're overworked. Then we muddle through as best we can. Try not to be too hard on yourself and call on whatever help you can get from others.
I know I'm really bad at asking for help...I always think I have to do it all myself. I think there are lots of women who suffer from this "superwoman" syndrome but it's not healthy.
Not sure you have a choice. Somebody has to do it.
ReplyDeleteBut my point is that this silly Valentine Day is yet another creation of the greeting card cartel. Or at least it was. These ridiculous "holidays" put even more pressure on parents.
Wow, I have been there. It's so difficult. You are lucky to have a supportive husband. I'm enjoying reading your journey. Keep the faith.
ReplyDeleteYou just do it. You will drop the ball. You will juggle more of them than you thought possible. You'll fail, you'll succeed but you will love and that is what both your daughter and your mother needs. You will be human... and that's okay. I'm thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteYou will do it and you can do it. You will learn to take shortcuts, like buying cookies/cupcakes for school parties instead of making them, and keeping PC dinners in the freezer for those nights where you don't have any groceries. You will learn to ask your husband to do the groceries or go buy the present, even if it means giving him a detailed list or telling him exactly what present to buy. And then you will smile and say thank you when he doesn't buy exactly what you wanted, remembering that everyone has to start somewhere.
ReplyDeleteIt is a process, but you need to learn to hand stuff over. It can be done...trust me. :-)